CRIPPLE FIGHT! CRIPPLE FIGHT!

18 08 2006

Why can’t we all just get along?!

Apparently there’s not room in tha music biz for two quasi-soulful whiteboys and the gauntlet has been tossed.

Justin Timberlake, former boyband protege and present Michael Jackson impersonator, has pulled out the big guns in asserting that Taylor Hicks “can’t carry a tune in a bucket”. I’d assume this is pretty insulting, apart from the facts that I’ve never actually heard him sing (apart from in a Ford commercial) and I’m not entirely sure what the hell that statement means. Not to invoke Seinfeldian schtick, but is one’s tonality augmented by singing in a bucket? Is this a bucket outfitted over your dome or some sort of feedbag apparatus strapped to your face as a built-in echo effect? This dig may go on record as the world’s worst gambit ever.

I’m not bold enough to pick sides in a conflict this heated, but has anyone heard Timberlake’s most recent single Sexyback? Apparently he thought it important to show the world that he wasn’t just a Castrato Come Lately, so he filtered his vocals through some sort of Barry White vocoder. I thought it might be some sort of gimic for the intro of the song, but it is entrenched in the verse, chorus, and various funky breakdowns. If Justin was determined to give K-Fed some much needed credibility by pumping out something so insipid, mission accomplished. I instantly despised it, which means it is destined to be a number 1 single for the indefinite future.

Now the American Idol world must wait with bated breath for Taylor Hicks’ retort. Will it come in the form of g-funk infused battle record, claiming his hometown set and affiliation with Nas? Will blood run thick in the gutters of West Hollywood as Taylor sprays his AK through the Sean John clad torso of Timberlake? Dance-off?

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4 responses

18 08 2006
vengeance_is_me

for the record, i like the new timberlake song. yes, i know this makes me gay.

18 08 2006
Barnett

Who?

22 08 2006
Jill

You know Taylor will be throwing up signs in his upcoming video

24 08 2006
Jake

You carry things in buckets. Timberlake’s saying he’s so bad at carrying a tune that he couldn’t even carry one if he had a tool built specifically for carrying things.

…it’s still pretty stupid.

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