Potent Potables # 7

25 10 2006

Recently I was approached by a dear friend who wished for my support (among others) on a forthcoming ballot proposition. His objections were sound and well articulated, certainly convincing enough for me. At least they would be if I wasn’t a total ass:

Nizl,

I’m sure we all welcome your well-founded thoughts on this matter. I’m sure you wouldn’t ask any of us to vote impetuously on such an important issue. I’m always open to discussing civic matters with friends! That said, your talents for manipulation have waned and I’m afraid I must take advantage.

Quite simply, knowing nothing about this proposition I can cast a vote that will automatically negate yours. That puts the power in my hands. I am offering you the opportunity to reclaim that power and my vote for a paltry $100. This should be delivered to me no later than noon tomorrow, in small denomination, non-sequential, and unmarked bills. I am sure my associates on this email list will find the terms equally satisfying, but I will allow them to bargain at their leisure.

Everyone, I know we’ve all been searching for a way to hurt Nizl in some significant way for years and this is is our big chance. Lord knows he’s had it coming. Please join me in this wholesale disregard for democracy and extort his savings. Thank you.

Always A Class Act,

Ian

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2 responses

26 10 2006
vengeance_is_me

Funny. A friend of Abi and myself, from High School, is running for congress. He’s a good kid, yet I wouldn’t mind seeing his life get shattered by the corruption of politics, under-aged Thailand hookers, and cocaine addiction, so you know I’m going to vote for him. I’m a fantastic friend. I just have very, very bad intentions

26 10 2006
Barnett

That’s not a disregard for democracy — it’s the essence of it.

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