Anal Bum Covers

31 10 2006

20 bonus internet points go to those who recognize that post title.

I once had an art-history teacher who proposed that at the heart of every portrait was an argument. A choice of lighting or pose, the inclusion or exclusion of flaws, and any other stylistic elements presented all were part of the artist’s biased perception of the subject. He was a pretty smart guy, apart from the decision to make a career of belaboring the differences between doric and ionic columns to a bunch of fuckwitted teens.

I ponder his assertions every time I look at an album cover. The artist, or more likely the Marketing Ex Machina, wants to confer an understanding of the band’s legitimacy, sex appeal or regretable inability to know shitty when it sees it. Intentional or not, these are a few of the statements I found crying out while looking through online cd stores:

“If You Don’t Buy This Album You’ve Removed One Significant Factor That Could Convice Me To Fuck You.”

“This Is What Canadians Think ‘Rock’ Is”

“I Could Buy And Sell White People At Will”

“If A Kitchen Sink Could Dance With A Thong On, We’d Throw One Of Those In The Band Too”

“Selling 7 Million Albums May Buy A Shitload Of Corsets, But I’m Still Emotinally Tortured”

“It’s Like Pink Floyd’s The Wall, But Not Hampered By All Of That Superfluous Talent….”




4 responses

31 10 2006
Paul Danielson

I’ll take The Rapists for $800.

1 11 2006

Celebrity Jeopardy…there should be such a compilation.

1 11 2006

I’d like to go with The Penis Mightier myself for $1000.

6 11 2006

Swords, etc…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: