Another Dead Hero

11 02 2007

Anna Nicole Smith was an inspiration to us all. In many ways, she was the living embodiment of the American Dream. With hard work and dedication she was able to marry someone appreciably richer than her and live a life of relative sloth. However, never satisfied to simply be a drain on another’s resources, she summoned all the hopes and dreams laying dormant in her cleavage and managed to become a plus-size sex symbol as well. We could all learn a lot from her.

When I heard the news of her passing, I reacted the same as most of you must have. I reflected on how she quietly embodied grace in her life and how I could have sought to be more like her. I also I pondered why I hadn’t the foresight to place her in my Death Pool sooner. Crude profiteering aside, I knew that Anna Nicole was dignified human being worthy of respect. Even when her actions weren’t enough to secure respectability, she always knew who to sue the respect and/or family fortune out of. This woman needed to be memorialized properly.

96 hours, 400 lbs of copper and a fatty comish from the estate later, I crafted my master tribute to the late, great model/actress/drug mule:

I call it Justice Carrying Barbituates And Trimspa Being Smothered By Ridiculous Cleavage. I’ve never been much for naming my art. Still, doesn’t it just pop?

Vaya con dios, Anna Nicole. We’ll see you soon at that giant stripper pole in the sky.

For the record, even before her passing, I’d always pretty much envisioned Heaven as a gigantic strip pole. It just feels right somehow.

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