Potent Potables # 15

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood is odd institution. There’s just something vaguely unsettling about the curious old man obsessed with wardrobe changes and expressing platitudes in his soothing patter. Still it’s apparent that he’s more of a gentle eccentric than a quiet fan of necrophilia or cannibalism.

Mr. Rogers always did his best work in the vacuum of his home and trolley to his fantasy world. Whether it was a silly song on the piano or an extended dissertation on the merits of balloons he always brought something to the table. However, on occasion, he seemed compelled to take his show outside to interact with various figureheads. These unwitting folks, hoping only to further the enrichment of children, likely never saw someone of like status endure his interviewing. They couldn’t have anticipated they were about to indulge the whims of the village simpleton.

“So I move this bow along the strings and then the cello makes music”, instructed Yo-Yo Ma.

“I like music. Music sure is pretty!” added Mr. Rogers.

“Yes. Um, it certainly is.”

“Have you ever been on an escalator? Those are my favorite.” furthered Mr. Rogers with a giddy smile.

“They do save time, I suppose.”

“You know what else is good? Cupcakes. They are my favorite!”

“Yeah. Do you need me for the rest of this interview or can I get going?”

Mr. Rogers quietly contemplated the question with an exaggerated scratching of his scalp. Suddenly a flash of comprehension shot on to his weathered face and he brightly exclaimed “Argyle socks are my favorite! Have you ever humped a corpse?”