I Hear The Internet Knows How To ROCK!

1 10 2007

Somewhere there is a man. This man is suddenly invigorated, nearly trembling with anticipation. The electricity is so palpable that he can feel it coursing through his veins and out through his mullet. Burgeoning pit stains, now visible despite the studded pleather vest, threaten the integrity of his Moving Pictures collectors t-shirt. His fingers are poised over titles like Shout At The Devil and Slave To The Grind. all the while he softly giggling. This is no ordinary day, let alone an ordinary month. This aging DJ is prepared to revel in the annual glory that is mother fucking ROCKtober.

While I am a fervent a fan of the rocking and the rolling, I always felt rock had a disproportionate representation in our calendar year. There are just as many equally valid forms of music that don’t receive similar kudos simply because of their utter failure to rhyme with the leading syllable of a month. However, rather than try to force others to adopt Jazznuary, I suggest we just take it back for something everyone can appreciate.

I have a few unexploited variants of October that would make excellent candidates for a month of celebration all could embrace:

Cockblocktober – A month dedicated to those whose pimp hand is strong

Stalktober – Your 30 day window to making a creepier, highly obsessed you

Pocktober – aka Edward James Olmos Month

Hemlocktober – The great unsung hero of exotic yet classy suicide devices

Kulaktober – Our annual assurance that the prosperous landed peasant in czarist Russia finally gets their due

Macaquetober – Our winged friends aren’t necessarily lacking in recognition, but this is easily the most fun to say

Rorschachtober – Stain a different article of clothing or fabric daily and interpret what you see. Note: If you ever just see an amorphous blob it technically means you’re gay.

And, most importantly, Blalocktober – The worship of this month is self-evident

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2 responses

2 10 2007
vengeance_is_me

Man, THANK GOD this site is up and running again. I think it got shutdown from the stress all the comments put on their servers.

13 12 2007
StarrFaithfull

Next year it’s totally Stalktober. But I’ll work on pushing Jazznuary at my local Kenny G station.

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