V-day

13 02 2008

Around this time every year the internet polarizes into two distinct camps. The pro-Valentine’s contingent start yammering on about how their significant other has some wonderfully romantic evening plotted out, sure to result in greater emotional convergence/doggystyle. Their anticipation seems to only incite the fury of a group I call Jilted Ex’es Living In Solidarity (J.E.L.I.S.). Their primary driver is to remind the internet that love is an illusion, Valentine’s is a corporate shill, and bitterness is next to godliness. I happen to believe that both parties are missing out on the true meaning of Valentine’s day – collecting more v-day cards than the rest of your class.

It was mandate in primary school that every person handing out Valentine’s cards be prepared to distribute them to all members of the class. Yes, even to the ugly kids. However, since all children are born with an innate distaste for communist edicts, there was always some treachery afoot and clandestine card distribution ran rampant. This grey-market card exchange allowed us to compare v-day card counts and definitively establish who was indisputably the most loved. In the event of a tie, the relative merits of the card selection now came to the table for discussion. You’d be better off declaring surrender than trying to equate one of your Go-Bots themed cards could hold a candle to anything vaguely Transformers related. God help the poor wretch who uncovered a Hello Kitty or My Little Pony card in their stack, as that was grounds for immediate dismissal of all previously accrued cards, if not a savage beating.

Just thinking about those delightful pre-fab cardboard greetings with pop-icons du jour makes me yearn for my childhood. It’s probably what inspired these:

Of course, my adult life is a good deal more evolved and sophisticated, which is why I’ll probably be printing these to hand out instead:

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3 responses

13 02 2008
Nanila

And of course, if you want to send a romantic video, this one asks the truly important question.

13 02 2008
13 02 2008
tubesox

Chris Hansen is such a cockblocker. These rock. You should seriously design Valentine’s cards.

PS – You should spend more time prancing around on LJ and not on your arrogant independent blog. Brat.

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