Cracked Article / Deep Family Shame

17 03 2008

The Man Is A Cracked Article Machine.

This article was probably the most edited of anything I’ve submitted thus far. They added a significant amount of filler, but most of my jokes remained intact. This is important because my jokes are my children. Children that I sell for $50 with zero remorse to a faceless corporation so that they can be thrust on to the cruel internet stage for your entertainment. It’s a far kinder fate than the one I’m putting on my actual daughter by keeping her around.

Speaking of which, my daughter has begun her short walk to internet porn stardom. Yesterday during a routine diaper change she actually snared a handful or her own chest in an attempt to bring it into her own mouth. Coming soon: we teach our baby to poop into a cup and pass it to one of her friends at playgroup while classical piano music softly cascades around them.




One response

2 04 2008

Wow… I’m really not sure what to say to this.

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