Fatherhood Thus Far

24 06 2008

I have converted to eating my cereal with a small spoon rather than a soup spoon. I do this on the chance that my daughter will want to share with me, as she often does. However, I also intend on teaching her to shovel food into her mouth like she’s providing a buffet for a family of tapeworms in her gullet when it’s age appropriate. I’m thinking around 2 years old.

I always know when I come home from work I’ll be greeted by the sounds of tiny stampeding feet and excited chirps. Most of that is from my cracked out terrier. My daughter will occasionally give me a passing glance if nothing good is on TV. They’re both equally prone to lick my face.

Carrying on the grand tradition of daughters manipulating their fathers, Quinn knows how to extend her bedtime with me. She just waits until I start singing a lullaby and proceeds to sing along. She fucking sucks. Her atonal warbling is hilariously bad and she knows it. Once I inevitably start to crack up she has license to laugh right along with me and reset the bedtime clock by 5 minutes. Scheming bitch.

I am forced to endure so much children’s programming that I compensate by keeping a mental tally of which females on the various live action bits that I’d want to bang. Katarina from the Wiggles is pretty cute, but that piece of ass on Choo-Choo Soul probably gets first dibs to be the conductor on my skin-train. I’m also strangely drawn to Martin Kratt on Zooboomafoo, but I’m not ready to explore those feelings yet.

Quinn has changed my life for the better, especially in that I have a ready-made excuse to get out of anything. Sorry I can’t make your dull-ass housewarming party – I have to take Quinn to her kickboxing class. Bulletproof, bitches.

This is where I insert something tender and saccharine so I don’t come off as an insensitive bastard. Someone remind me to update this when I teach her to ride a bike or some such shit.

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3 responses

25 06 2008
kas

I’d suck the guy on Choo-Choo Soul dry.

That is all.

25 06 2008
vengeance_is_me

Well, looks like Choo-Choo-Soul is the new Noggin Porn, because i’m with you, brotha. Also, skin-train. Hahaha

20 12 2008
Bec

Hey, stranger! It’s been a long time! You’re a father now? Congratulations!
(In case you don’t remember, I was the Aussie who kept you awake on ICQ while you were working nights about a million years ago…)

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