13 07 2008

As it turned out this was the battle that wasn’t. James, the point man on my conflict with 105.1 FM, completely acquiesced to my demands and updated their website in a timely manner. As you’ll see below, he was even forthcoming and polite about the oversight:

Holy smoke! I had no idea it was your content…a buddy sent it to me and said he found it on fark…I couldn’t find the link there so [I] just threw [it] up. I updated the post so that you’ll get proper credit. And on today’s show re-cap, I’ll make note of the update, too.

Sadly, I’ve been in town such a short time, I cannot offer you the key to the city. Would a t-shirt suffice?

Thanks for your note…seriously…I wanna give credit where credit is due.

God, what a dick. His niceness totally deflated me. It took all the steam out of my plans to have my first internet feud. I had a whole array of Yo Momma jokes to unleash, a series of unflattering photoshops featuring his mother, and 12 other ideas that needlessly roped his mother into the affair that will go unused.

Screw that. If he is going to placate me and all of the bloggy goodness I was going ream out of this, I’m gonna get that t-shirt on MY terms. Here is my reply:

I’ll be honest, James. I expected more of a fight. You were supposed to come back at me with an argumentative statement that the internet is public domain, to which I would reply with some copyright legalese stolen from friends in law school. Your civility is equally disarming and vexing. It’s almost TOO polite, perhaps to lull me into a false sense of security. I’m watching you like a hawk, James.

Your updates to the site were greatly appreciated. It shows me you’re a fellow artist, conscious of the lifeblood we spill into our work. We should probably both be wearing berets.

I will happily take you up on your offer for a t-shirt, but I admit it feels a bit impersonal. A free t-shirt sounds like the company line for appeasement. Was it not Marie Antoinette that said “Let them eat t-shirts”? Now, an autographed t-shirt from the whole morning crew…that would be a trophy beyond the pale.

To ensure the shirt is appropriately personalized and not part of your stockpile, here are some suggestions to really make it sing:

– Have everyone sign it underneath the statement “To the funniest guy we’ve ever heartlessly stolen from”. An acceptable alternative would be “In taking possession of this promotional t-shirt you have agreed to indemnify us of any wrongdoing in the aforementioned”, but I don’t know how much white space you have to work with
– Request that Cori juxtapose both the “o” and the dot over the “i” in her name with hearts. She should also do the same for those letters in the “Mi Amor…” that precedes it.
– Jim may also sign it “Mi Amor”, but he should know that I’m happily married and, while I appreciate the sentiment, it’s just not appropriate. Don’t tell Cori any of that, please. You don’t strike me as a player hater so I’m trusting you here, James.
– Could you maybe work in a drawing of a dragon too? Those are so freakin’ sweet.

Thanks again, James. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.

Ian Cheesman




3 responses

14 07 2008

Those dirty pricks. This is incredibly anticlimactic, and no way to wage a multimedia humor battle – is there no honor in plagiarism anymore?

14 07 2008

my answer to any feud: ass raping.

14 07 2008

so where’s the part when you drove to Fargo and dropkicked them? What the fuck do you listen to all that metal for? Oh, that day must have been a Norah Jones day.

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