Baby Products – The Ultralux Director’s Cut

16 07 2008

For anyone that hasn’t made cracked.com part of their daily ritual yet, you have missed my latest gem on The Best Baby Products For Insane Parents. For some reason they had a particular hard-on for round numbers and purged a couple of examples from the article that I thought are just as funny.

By the way, should you ever have any suggestions on list-formatted articles in the cracked vein of humor, I’m always open to it. My meth isn’t going to buy itself, you know.

*BOTTOM FAN

How many tush towels do you have to save before it becomes a good idea to put a pair of rapidly spinning blades in proximity of your child’s genitals?

It’s more than a fan, it’s also aromatherapy. It dispenses an anti-microbial fragrance as it fans, so that your child can enjoy the scent of lavender with nuances of its own feces.

*BOTTLE BOOSTER

Per the website, this product is “not meant to replace a parent’s loving touch, holding and bonding with baby”. Clearly this is a more loving, nurturing form of feedbag that in no way mimics being sat on by an older sibling and being forced to eat whatever foulness they thrust upon you.

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3 responses

16 07 2008
pdan

And when baby outgrows the Bottom Fan, it doubles as a propeller-powered flying dildo for mom!

17 07 2008
Mary

Even Bad press is good press! Thanks!

18 07 2008
Jake

HAR HAR HAR

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